Being Alone

I will be staying without the family for 3 weeks as I am preparing the apartment for the sales. This is something I never thought about would be a problem, but I kind of guessed. Every time I am out, for long bike rides, long runs, 2 day races and so, I always think a lot about my family. I really love my distance family, like mother, father, all my cousins and aunts and uncles, but I never really had this real deep bond with them. It is strange, but not even with my parents. They probably very well prepared me for life to be able to stand on my own and to not to lock down at thins, people, places or not to call home a place just because we born or settled there for a while. 

On the other hand my wife and daughter are really missing. I want to cuddle them, be with them, hug them and even if I am looking for personal disturbance free space, I just like to know that they are around. This is something that completes me as a human. I also have a lot of energy and endurance and I think I meant as on of my life purposes, to channel this energy into them. Raising a family. Raising us. My daughter, my wife and myself. 

These are very strange thoughts to me, but of curse, very important and not being distant, would never have exposed me to these thoughts. It will again elevate our relation to a new level, so I am not going to sob that I am alone, it is hard or spend a lot of money for 2 day trips on the weekends to cover 1500km. I just stay strong, keep our morning and evening video talks and that is it. 

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I also don't have a car. Nor do I have an ebike anymore. I have to bike commute. I have around 200m elevation gain for the 20km bike ride in the morning and same in the evening. It is not that difficult. However, I am pulling 10h+ days most often. Today it is 9 to 20, so 11h. Add in 2hours of commute, with food prep, dressing up, down and showers and at the end of the day, you don't really have time for anything else than sleeping. I cannot like wake up at 4 to do some stuff, run, stretch and so and fall into a koma during work and get hypoglycemic on the commutes. I sleep under 7 hours allready. 

My PC setup is also catastrophic as I don't have furniture anymore. I cannot do my online courses and education like that, as my back is giving out after 10 min. I just have to put that on the backburner. Let my knowledge mature for 4 weeks, before I get back to studying. I think before I continue with my bachelors degree in system and network administration, I will just quickly finish the google level 1 it support course. It will take a week, to finish all the exams with a couple of weeks of pre-learning.

Here you go. This is where we at. Blogging and working our ass away. 

DOROGI Levente

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